All Good Soldiers

November 15, 2008

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Dayne Duranti

All Good Soldiers

It’s been a weird year, especially for sports. The Boston Celtics finally picked themselves up from the bootstraps to win a championship. Neither the Red Sox nor the Yankees amounted to anything more than a bunch of overpaid whiners. They are even tearing down Yankee Stadium.


Fast food workers everywhere finally realized that pro-wrestling is fake. The Summer Olympics in Beijing brought more small teenagers out of their houses than any previous Olympics, and the U.S is at war with pretty much everybody.


A temporary band aid on the gash of foreign dissent, the U.S showed that we can be tolerant, we can be educated, and we can move forward by electing the first President of Color Barack Obama.


These are all very significant world events in this year of our lord 2008, but not one of them matches up to the complete carnival weirdness that is the NFL.


Bookies will no longer be placing auto-bets on the AFC in Hawaii.


The NFL institutions that we have all been able to count on like the New England Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts have slipped into mediocrity due to injuries.


 Big Ben has shrunk significantly allowing his back up Byron Leftwich to step up and try to salvage a season for now, proving that Pittsburgh has the largest QBs in the league.


Preseason favorites like the Denver Broncos, the Jacksonville Jaguars, and the San Diego Chargers have yet to really prove themselves.


 A legend, Brett Favre has given the New York Jets a real chance this year and has shown that he has been sipping from Dick Clark’s anti-aging moonshine.


The saddest fact of all of this is three of these teams are leading their divisions, The Patriots, The Steelers and the Broncos with a combined record of 17-10.


You don’t have to go very far down until you start tripping over Oakland, Cincinnati, Houston and Kansas City who are in the basement desperately searching for Favre’s moonshine.


O.K. The number one shocking thing about the American Football Conference this season is…

Drum roll please…

 The Tennessee Titans at a whopping 9-0 currently! This is surprising, but not the real surprise! The real surprise is Quarterback Kerry Collins! Leading an undefeated, AFC leading Titans squad! Unbelievable! Collins couldn’t get out of his own way in New York or Oakland, and now he is undefeated! Herein lays the weirdness.


The NFC makes a little more sense to me but is still too weird to think about too deeply.


The New York Football Giants, defending world champs are sitting high at a division leading 8-1. The surprise to me in the NFC East is the utter lack of production from both Dallas and Philly. There is something deep down inside of me that thinks there will be more to this story later on. I don’t think this division is buttoned up just yet.


The NFC South is up for grabs, one of the strongest divisions in all of football right now. What? Where did that come from?


The Bears and Vikings are co-leading that mind numbingly boring division of theirs. Kyle Orton makes it interesting, but nowhere near as interesting as Rex Grossman, man I hope he keeps playing! How do you have a QB rating of over 100 one week and 12 the next? Viva La Rex!


And last but not least, we have the NFC West, Kurt Warner and the Arizona Cardinals. I am not a Kurt Warner fan, have never been. I love gunslingers, and a love QBs that throw the ball, but I can’t buy the Warner thing. I didn’t like him in St. Louis, and I don’t like him now. The Cardinals are running away with the division so I can’t wait to see them get spanked in the early rounds of the play-offs by some unforeseen NFC tourdeforce, maybe from the South.


We have seven weeks left of the regular season. Let’s see how weird we can really get things! We are doing well but I think we can do better. Let’s really get some bets rolling and heads turning. I want Babylon in the streets while wearing T.O jerseys! After all, American Football is the greatest sport on the face of the planet.


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